Book Hoarders Anonymous

Ok, H/h have been besties since kindergarten, hs sweethearts, married right out of school (or close to it). H and his buddies formed a band, got on an American Idol clone. HE got a contract, sans band. He then proceeded to start bringing all these hangers-ons home and partying. They lived in h's family home - a Southern plantation house or something - that she'd intended to restore - at least until his party attendees showed up and puked on her grandmother's loveseat. The story begins when she's come home early from a trip and found...her underage niece in the ancestral bed with some musician while the H is passed out in *their* bed with some hanger-on. Whattaguy.

She and her friend pull a Thelma and Louise and run to NY. She files for divorce whereupon he refuses to sign. You know...I'm sure there are places where mutual agreement isn't necessary. Of course, SHE mopes around for 8 months (while half-heartedly leading a guy on) so she's no prize either. Then, he calls her and convinces her to come out to his boat. She calls the lawyer and tells him, then doesn't show up. The boat blows up and he's supposedly dead. Oh noes...

So we get a few days of her moping around because she'll never get to make up with the loser. Then she catches him and realizes someone else was in the boat. He tells her she's like her momma - jealous of all the women for no reason.

Then it's discovered that the hanger-on who was in bed with him is trying to kill her (and blew up the boat apparently). So they're in hiding and well, you know, "gee man; you're right. I was jealous and scared that you'd never come home. Really. The fact that our niece was down the hall about to be boinked in my parents' bed and all the ruined furniture from alcohol-laced barf, and all the weirdoes had nothing to do with me leaving your loser ass. Now, let's have sex"

After the hanger-on showed up and shot up the cabin they were hiding in, she tells him she loves him but can't live with him. So apparently you know, nothing can ever kill that love, like maybe their niece getting sold to human traffickers while he's passed out drunk or... Well, you know.

And you know, in the end, he's back from the dead, announced he's leaving the business and...she refuses to let him, saying she wants him to continue; just not be a moron at home. Well, I'd buy that but after close to a decade of this nonsense, there'd be no going back in the first place.