There, I finished it...

Poison Princess - Kresley Cole

and am reminded why I don't DO YA

 

I'm feeling generous this AM - I slept on it you see.

 

This book had enough issues with it being YA by an established adult author. It did not need to alienate a reader within the first few chapters.

 

What am I upset about? Oh. Nothing much, other than an artist was deemed bat shit crazy by her mother and essentially institutionalized. Why? Because her artwork was weird and creepy. Yeah. Guess Picasso and Dali should have been trussed up in straight jackets and I dunno - buried in Oubliettes? You know, the more I think about it, the more infuriated I get. Maybe I should do up a comic strip lampooning authors since they seem to want to portray artists as nuts unless, you know, we do the happy trees thing.

 

Growl, hiss, snarl.

 

:deep breath. Count to 10.

 

Ok. So every few centuries 20-something or other kids are born representing the Tarot cards. And they get to duke it out until only one is left alive. That one gets to live and apparently participate in the next game. Death has won the last 3 and is several thousand years old. Umm...Just how many centuries go by exactly? Cuz the impression I got was around 250 years. Not adding up.

 

On top of this...silliness... the sun apparently has the mother of all eruptions and some of it reaches Earth. Right. See, I get the EMP effect, but there are 2 planets between us and the sun, and what passes for atmosphere with them as well. Would have been better to say asteroid or something.

 

Even better, this all creates...zombies. Right...

 

It's like she took the Ascension from her IAD series, added a bit of Hunger Games, a side order of Solar Flare, and oh what the hell - Zombies.

 

I can't even... I haven't even got to the characters yet, man.

 

So here goes:
heroine - mary sue. No other way to describe her. Everyone likes her, she's friendly, nice and... the sort of person my teenage self would have rolled my eyes and tried to ignore because clearly she's an idjit.
Her mother (who fortunately, does not live long) - chick who turned her daughter over to be turned into a lithium battery or something because her drawings were creepy. Also same woman who had her MOTHER institutionalized because her mother was apparently at least somewhat psychic. Bitch.
H - cajun who feels compelled to add an extra pronoun to the end of every sentence. Why?
Mathew - mostly useless person who is apparently helpless (really? My son is autistic and perfectly capable of assisting or (gasp) even doing things.) Supposedly sees all, spouts off random info and expects the person to know what he's talking about. If his previous incarnations were like this, I can see why the Empress killed them.
Selena - archer. Lusts after H.
Finn - magician. Only interesting one of the bunch, sadly.
Death - mental stalker. Supposedly 2 thousand years old. You'd think he'd be so tired of all the crap he'd roll over and let someone off him. Instead he mentally connects with the h and tells her he's coming for her. Why? she's just 16. The disparate age and maturity level would make for an exceedingly uncomfortable union. And...we haven't met the rest of the kids.

 

Augh. I have the other two of the series (so far).